Dan Trathen DMin, PhD Clinical Psychologist & Certified Business & Life Coach

Deflecting Conflict and Insults-Step 2

Step 2 Change “Put-Downs” to “Put-Ups”

Change put-downs into put-ups and act as if nothing offensive is happening. This is based on the idea that it is worse to take offense than to give offense. Meanness can be turned into kindness when you:

1.  Agree in fact, in theory, or hypothetically to stop power struggles.

2.  Give compliments to make it difficult for someone to continue being rude.

3.  Act as if you’ve been complimented: “Thank you. What a sweet thing to say.”

4.  Find golden nuggets or some actual truth in the worst insult: “Thanks for trying so hard to help me. I know I could (possibly) be more . . .”

5.  Dramatize the very insult that has been given: “Am I really a baby (whining)?”

6.  Use a mean tone to say something harmless with a tone twister that releases frustration and adds confusion: “Your opinion is none of my business!”

7.  Use reverse psychology to encourage people to change their course: “That was quite a put-down. Let’s see what you can do with the zit on my nose or the scab on my ankle.”

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